How to Irritate People

Office Promo

I am a big the office fan and can not wait for it start up again this Sept 27.

But for now I will have make due with office promos like this one

Gingerbread Warriors

Disappionted

A man sits in a bar, reading a newspaper. Suddenly he is tapped on his shoulder by another man: "Excuse me sir, but do you know Mrs. Appleblossom?"The man folds up his newspaper, coughs slightly and replies: "just a moment sir", after which he takes out a little black notebook. "A, A, A... [finding the name in the book] yes, actually I do know Mrs. Appleblossom.".He puts the notebook back into his inside pocket picks up the newspaper and continues reading. The other man taps his shoulder again: "Excuse me sir, but have you been to bed with Mrs. Appleblossom?"The first gent puts the newspaper down again, finds his notebook and checks: "B, B, B... ahh, yes, I have been to bed with Mrs. Appleblossom"He starts putting the notebook away when he once again is tapped on the shoulder: "Excuse me sir, but I am Mr. Appleblossom, and I am very disappointed""D, D, D... ahh... yes sir, so was I!"

Snowman

Talk of the town

Party at Rehab

Well we have not brought Lindsay Lohan. She is a piece of work. She has failed a drug test in rehab and been caught having sex in the bathroom. She is the life of the party even in rehab. That girl has some skill (they might not be acting but they are skills).


Quick Someone should check out what she is smoking

Thin is too thin

I like Kiera Knightley since she did the first Pirates of the Caribbean. She is a very good actress but she way too thin. Here she at the Venice.She is promoting her new movie. But she should be getting something to eat. I know the camera had ten pound so in real life is she transparent?

Here is a before and after Photoshop

The Unlucky Winner

In the any sporting event the promoters usually have a contest. A half court throw or field goal kick but this one is different. The lucky winner has to do just cross banner. She should get A for effort. I guess they gave her the trip anyways

Talk of the Town

Firing Squad

A man was scheduled to go before a firing squad for his crimes. The evening before his execution, he was asked what he wanted for his last meal. He refused the meal completely.
The next morning the man was brought before the firing squad. When asked for his last request, the man said he had none. The General in charge of his execution asked him, ''Sir, you refused your last meal and your last request. Isn't there anything you want before you die?''

The man thought for a moment, then said, ''Music has always been an important part of my life. If I could do but one thing before I die, would you allow me to sing my favorite song from beginning to end, without interruption?''

The General thought this was a reasonable request, and ordered his men to lower their weapons and to not interrupt for the duration of the song.

''Ten million bottles of beer on the wall...''

Prank on Karl

Here is a political prank Karl Rove's last week at White House. His colleagues wanted to honor him in a "special" So they shrouded his car with shrink wrap and mounted two stuffed eagles on the trunk and added and Obama bumper sticker for decoration.

This looks like the work of George W. Bush. I could see him snick out and doing this with his special forces.

The Raw Footage

Britney Got a new Shirt

You got love her fashion sense (more like non sense) Here is Britney wear boots and a T-shirt/dress? I guess she is always on the go, who has time to put on pants/shirt (or panties)

The rich Bitch

The Queen of Mean has struck again. Rich people really have a weird thoughts where their money should go after they are dead. Leona Helmsley the Real Estate Billionaire. Her will was read and she leaves her dog $12 million so her dog can live the rest of his live in the lifestyle he has got use to.

But two of Helmsley’s grandchildren were left nothing. She also gave millions for her brother as well as two of her late son Jay Panzier’s children; so long as they visit they visit their father’s grave site once each calendar year. Or they will receive nothing.

But the other two of Jay Panzirer’s other Children were left nothing and reason is unknown to them. (My guess they pissed off grandma some how. Maybe sucking up to her when she was ill)

She also gave her chauffeur $100,000(that was very nice of her)

Also she also left behind $3 million for upkeep to her and her husband Harry Helmsley resting place.

Then she ordered that cash from sale of the Helmsley’s residence and belongings (worth billions) be given to Leona M. and Harry B. Helmsley Charitable Trust.

When Her Dog was asked for a comment he was to say “Party at my Dog House and all the Bitches are Invited”

Source

talk of town

Insane

The view must but very nice for some one to go through all that trouble. I have not found the picture he took

Work

Job Appicaltion(cick to make it bigger)

2007 Teen Choice Awards

Picture of at the Teen Choice Awards


Kelly Clarkson
Megan Fox
Jessica Alba
Hillary Duff

Furgie
Avril Lavigne

snake bites jimmy kimmel

I did not see this when it was first relased but just watch

Jimmy Kimmel Bitten by Snake

Posted May 23, 2006

Jimmy Kimmel is bitten by a deadly snake and gets taken to the hospital on live TV!

To find out what happend click here

and find the Gray Anatomy show towards the bottom

Top Wackiest Conspiracy Theories

I am a conspiracy Nut. I think there is something going that People are not talking about (gov't) So here is the top ten theories.

Click here to read them

connie has talent

glumbert.com - Connie's Got Talent

Miss Carolina

We will not remember who won the pagent but we will remember this answer

glumbert.com - Miss Teen South Carolina answers a question

Here is the story about the Answers

Here she is explaining her answer.

Funny Aussie Commerical

First let me explain Nandos is a restaurant. And that's all the explanation needed

Jennifer Aniston Surf lessons

Jennifer Aniston was caught taking surfing lesson in very small bikini. She is show her skill on a board as well as her ASSets

talk of the town

I missed talk of the town yesterday so here it is

Great View from the top

The was titled "What God Sees"

It not the size but how much it cost!!!

An auction house tried to sell this ancient walrus penis bone. The price they wanted was 16,000 us. Dollar but only got 8,000. The buyer was not other then Ripley’s Believe or Not. They plan to display it all round the country.

Funny Signs

The Hot List top 3:Celbrity Justice, More

Alien Vs. Predator 2 Requiem

It was going to happen no matter what you say. Two Horror Giants are going to fight again. I would put money on the Aliens to win this round because if you were one of the three people who saw the last movie you would know that Predator won. In the third movie they can go to a rubber match and sell more tickets.

Then when the winner can that on other horror up comers like Micheal Myres (halloween) or Freddy or Jason.

Help Save the Blonde

Why do you think this Lady got some help?

Lazy

I am all about being lazy but this lady takes the cake. If she owns a Segway then she could hire a nanny. but it seems like it would be more work to do this method

Talk of the Town

Japan's Naked News Row

The Zune Phone

Microsoft will not be beat by Apple's i-Phone. Just release a video for the up coming Zune Phone

Weekend

Well the weekend is here and it going to be sunny weekend. I just got invited on my friend's boat. I always have a blast on the lake. The only time I did not enjoy my self was a few times ago.

Here is me on that bad boat trip. Look at the picture and you will understand

Sad to say this is reason I get invited all the time on my friend's boat. I think my friend is hope lighting will struck twice and if not at least they have the picture to prove i had a bad time. I am still picking bits of my suit out of my crack

That time really sucked. I did not have a change of clothes and when we got back to land I had buy myself a new suit.

Sign of bad job

It is friday And i don't feel like working so here are stuff about work( that should count as work rigth?)
If you are on the job market you should make sure you can find a job you want. Here are some sign that these job will be a nightmare

Competitive salary: We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
Join our fast-paced company: We have no time to train you.
Casual work atmosphere: We don't pay you enough to expect that you'll dress nicely.
Must be deadline oriented: You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
Must be flexible: On many occasions, you'll be asked to bend over and grab your ankles.
Some overtime required: Some time each night and some time each weekend.
Duties will vary: Anyone in the office can boss you around.
Must have an eye for detail: We have no quality control.
Career-minded: Female employees must be childless (and remain that way).
Apply in person: If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.
No phone calls please: We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
Seeking candiates with a wide variety of experience: You'll need it to replace the three people who just left.
Problem-solving a must: You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
Requires team leadership skills: You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

Thing you can do to in a meeting

Spill coffee on the conference table. Produce a little paper boat and sail it down the table.
During a meeting, each time the boss makes an important point, (or at least one he/she seems to consider important), make a little noise like you are building up to an orgasm.
Stand up and act indignant. Demand that the boss tell you the 'real' reason this meeting has been called.
Give a broad wink to someone else at the table. In time, wink at everyone. Sometimes shake your head just a little, as if to indicate that the speaker is slightly crazy and everybody knows it.
Arrange to have a poorly-dressed young woman with an infant quietly enter the meeting, stare directly at the (male) speaker for a while, burst into tears, then leave the room.
Bring a small mountain of computer printouts to the meeting. If possible, include some old-fashioned fanfold paper for dramatic effect. Every time the speaker makes a point, pretend to check it in one of the printouts. Pretend to find substantiating evidence there. Nod vigorously, and say "uh-huh, uh-huh!"
Bring a hand puppet, preferably an animal. Ask it to clarify difficult points.
When there is a call for questions, lean back in your chair, prop your feet up on the table, smile contentedly, and say, "Well, here's the way I see it, J.B..." (or any other impressive-sounding initials that are not actually your boss's.)
Complain loudly that your neighbour won't stop touching you. Demand that the boss make him/her stop doing it.
Stay behind as everyone else, including the boss, leaves. Thank them for coming.

Hayden Panettiere in FHM Mag

Hayden just turn 18 some last week I think and now she is everywhere. Not only only hit TV show(heros) but on every printed magazine and ad. Here she is in the FHM Mag.

Here she is in here Got Milk ad

Strange Job Interview Behaviour

Most managers and supervisors (and HR people) have had experiences interviewing candidates for job openings. I'm sure each of you has, at one time or another, been baffled by interviewee behaviour, but we're betting you haven't faced some of the behaviours that we list below. Certainly head-scratchers, and amusing (at least to read about). Strange but true.

Based on a survey published via the Internet, here are some of the odd things reported by HR professionals.

1. "... said he was so well-qualified that if he didn't get the job, it would prove that the company's management was incompetent."

2. "... stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application."

3. "... brought her large dog to the interview."

4. "... chewed bubble gum and constantly blew bubbles."

5. "Candidate kept giggling through serious interview."

6. "She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time."

7. "Balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece."

8. "Applicant challenged interviewer to arm wrestle."

9. "... asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate."

10. "... announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewer's office."

11. "Without saying a word, candidate stood up and walked out during the middle of the interview."

12. "Man wore jogging suit to interview for position as financial vice president."

13. "Stated that, if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm."

14. "Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering specific interview questions."

15. "... wouldn't get out of the chair until I would hire him. I had to call the police."

16. "When I asked him about his hobbies, he stood up and started tap dancing around my office."

17. "... had a little pinball game and challenged me to play with him."

18. "... bounced up and down on my carpet and told me I must be highly thought of by the company because I was given such a thick carpet."

19. "At the end of the interview, while I stood there dumbstruck, went through my purse, took out a brush, brushed his hair, and left."

20. "... pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash picture of me. Said he collected photos of everyone who interviewed him."

21. "Candidate asked me if I would put on a suit jacket to insure that the offer I had made was formal."

22. "Said he wasn't interested because the position paid too much."

23. "While I was on a long-distance phone call, the applicant took out a copy of Penthouse, and looked through the photos only, stopping longest at the centerfold."

24. "During the interview, an alarm clock went off from the candidate's brief case. He took it out, shut it off, apologized and said he had to leave for another interview."

25. "A telephone call came in for the job applicant. It was from his wife. His side of the conversation went like this: "Which company? When do I start? What's the salary?" I said, "I assume you're not interested in conducting the interview any further." He promptly responded, "I am as long as you'll pay me more." "I didn't hire him, but later found out there was no other job offer. It was a scam to get a higher offer."

26. "An applicant came in wearing only one shoe. She explained that the other shoe was stolen off her foot in the bus."

27. "His attache [case] opened when he picked it up and the contents spilled, revealing ladies' undergarments and assorted makeup and perfume."

28. "He came to the interview with a moped and left it in the reception area. He didn't want it to get stolen, and stated that he would require indoor parking for the moped."

29. "He took off his right shoe and sock, removed a medicated foot powder and dusted it on the foot and in the shoe. While he was putting back the shoe and sock, he mentioned that he had to use the powder four times a day, and this was the time."

30. "Candidate said he really didn't want to get a job, but the unemployment office needed proof that he was looking for one."

31. "He whistled when the interviewer was talking."

32. "... asked who the lovely babe was, pointing to the picture on my desk. When I said it was my wife, he asked if she was home now and wanted my phone number. I called security."

33. "... she threw-up on my desk, and immediately started asking questions about the job, like nothing had happened."

34. "Pointing to a black case he carried into my office, he said that if he was not hired, the bomb would go off. Disbelieving, I began to state why he would never be hired and that I was going to call the police. He then reached down to the case, flipped a switch and ran. No one was injured, but I did need to get a new desk."

35. "... asked if I wanted some cocaine before starting the interview."

18 Signs You're Flat Broke

1. American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"

2. Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a restaurant.

3. You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank.

4. You've rolled so many pennies, you've formed a psychic bond with Abe Lincoln.

5. Long distance companies don't call you to switch anymore.

5. You look at your roommate and see a large fried chicken in tennis shoes.

6. Your rob Peter... and then rob Paul.

7. You finally clean your house, hoping to find change.

8. You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.

9. You give blood everyday... just for the orange juice.

10. McDonald's supplies you with all your kitchen condiments.

11. At communion you go back for seconds.

12. You wash your toilet paper.

13. You have to save up to be poor.

14. You're in college.

15. On thanksgiving your dad would bring home a picture of a thanksgiving meal.

16. You owe yourself money.

17. You are sterilizing your urine for reconsumption.

18. Your imaginary friend has more money than you.

Good Tee Time

This picture explains why we good great Tee Times at the local Course. Of course if you lose a player your have to take a penalty.

Biker slower

Here I am no my new bike, I thought It would be faster to get around but it is not. The bikes say it can go up to 150mph but I can only get to 45mph and I don't understand where all the sparks are coming from. I have already bumped in to 75 car trying to get round them.

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

Here is the new brad pitt movie trailer

Alcohol Warning Labels

1. Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.

2. Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

3. Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

4. Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to strangle you.

5. Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

6. Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that your ex is really dying for you to call them at 4:00 in the morning.

7. Consumption of alcohol may cause serious rug burns on the forehead and chin area.

8. Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really big guy named Bubba.

9. Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

10. Consumption of alcohol may cause a flux in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to disappear.

11. Consumption of alcohol may result in pregnancy.

12. Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the heck happened to your pants.

Talk of the town

Bearforce 1

You got love the Internet especailly when you stumble on something like this.
Bearforce 1 is a european gay band and just watch and get ready for all the laughing. I don't know anything about them but I am too scaried to find out more.
It is like the Village People when they are old.

This is part of the song that I had wipe the tears from my eyes.
"Give a bit of uff to me and I will give a bit of uff to you "
(ENJOY)

Having a bad day

So you thing you are having a bad day well just be thankful you are one of these guy. They are have a really bad day.

I double dog dare you!!!!

24 get new star

Is 24 is going to become a comedy. Janeane Garofalo is joining the cast of 24 for the Seventh Season. She will be playing an FBI Systems analyst. I don’t know what that means. But my guess 24 is the producers want new blood and maybe a new direction. While Kiefer Sutherland is running round saving the world Janeane Garofalo can keep thing light. And the next time Kiefer Sutherland has a terrorist to interrogate Janeane Garofalo can tick the information out of him and if that does work then Kiefer can always beat the information out of the terrorist.

Click here to read the whole story

Colombian Actress Relax without an cloths

Catalina Sandino Moreno is a Colombian actress from Marie Full of Grace. The movie is about a drug mule. I have never seen it but it did earn her an Oscar nomination in 2005. She is done with that serious role and wants to relax and how does is relax well by taking off her cloths.

She is due to star in “The Hottest State” Where Catalina Sandino Moreno will do her first nude and sex scenes.

Click here to read the whole story.

That was an ok story but what really got me was title Reuter used.

Colombian actress Moreno swaps heroin for nudity

Boy does that sound so juice gossip. I pictured in my little brain cell that this was for real. Maybe some Actress chose to get naked in exchange for Heroin charge to be dropped. I thought is this how that young actress dodges the drug charge yesterday? But no I was wrong. But I still think my version is better. But you got to hand to Reuters for giving a blockbuster headline

Lesson From Noah

Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone might ask you to do something REALLY big.
Don't listen to critics -- do what has to be done.
Build on high ground.
For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
Two heads are better than one.
Speed isn't always an advantage. The cheetahs were on board, but so were the snails.
If you can't fight or flee -- float!
Don't forget that we're all in the same boat.
Remember that the ark was built by amateurs and the Titanic was built by professionals.
Remember that the woodpeckers INSIDE are often a bigger threat than the storm outside.
Don't miss the boat.
No matter how bleak it looks, if God is with you, there's always a rainbow on the other side.Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.

Dickerson

Here sign is more of a threat then to get attention. I would pay money for her to keep her cloths on.